Thursday, April 18, 2013

Break Away...

In life, you will make mistakes.  You will regret saying something, and even regret NOT saying something.  You wish that you could hit the repeat button on life.  You may feel like you would rather be invisible.  You might do something to hurt someone that you care about.  These are things of the devil.  They are all lies that we tell ourselves on a daily basis, that we are not good enough, people think I am weird.  We are all imperfect human beings in this world, who make mistakes, who feel hurt, and have insecurities.  I have struggled being insecure my whole life... Have you ever pretended to talk on the phone just so you could avoid an awkward moment with someone?  I have... and I laugh at myself because its so stupid that I can let insecurities get the best of me and not even say hi to a NORMAL person.... haha!(:  We let little lies slip into our heads, little by little.. and pretty soon we believe them.  It makes us feel terrible on the inside and takes away the joy and happiness, and leaves shyness and insecurity in our eyes, and it makes others notice.  I just want to encourage anyone who struggles with this on a daily basis.  It has affected me in more ways than I can count and it is absolutely ridiculous.  NEVER ever let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, because YOU ARE!  Don't be shy, don't be afraid to be awkward.  To tell you the truth, the worst you could do is embarrass yourself a little, but hey it would make for a great story at a reunion!(:  I know I might not live it out on a daily basis, but I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I don't need to care what others think AT ALL!  So what If I am awkward, so what if I might be a little dorky (Yikes!).  I am ME, a daughter of a king who created me perfectly and exactly who he wanted me to be.  I laugh at this because it is kind of hypocritical considering that I am so shy and I still let insecurities get the best of me, but I work on it daily.  Its hard to repair from something that hurt you, but I learn daily to move on.  Don't forget what the wound taught you, just remember that It is the past and this is the future.  Life is short, so live it to the absolute fullest, and do everything you can to represent the Kingdom of God.  Don't let anything bring you down, break through and be awkward, make mistakes, forgive, love, pray, and be yourself.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

New Beginnings...

OK, so I posted this a couple of weeks ago on my Facebook wall, and my friends encouraged me to start blogging again.  The backstory if, is that this girl posted this as a comment on one of my photos on Instagram, and It almost made me cry, because It's so true, I do try and hide it because I don't want to be treated weird.  Before I say anymore, I'll just let you read my story:

Oh my goodness. I just about broke down in tears. I don't even know this girl, and she said something that made my day completely. I have been struggling so much lately with this, and have become so shy. I haven't personally shared my story with a lot of people, just because I am not looking for sympathy, and not looking to get attention, I only hope to encourage people who might be going through the same thing. I was born with a lot of complications, one being I was born without my right eye, and a deviated septum. I couldn't thank The Lord more for making me just the way he did, but sometimes I am so overwhelmed, especially when people are staring at me that I loose sight of this. A lot of people wonder why I am so shy, or why I wear my hair like I do, or why I try to always wear sunglasses. Honestly, I really don't WANT to hide it, I am just afraid of what people might think about me. Ever since I was little, I was bullied in school, and that broke me down to a point where I wasn't the "smiley, happy" Maddie that I once was. Just because I was born without my right eye doesn't mean I am different that anyone, or weird at all, and I believe that 100 %. I am so thankful for the people in my life that encourage me to just be myself, and to not be shy, because I am loved. I struggle so much with being shy, and trying to hide the way God made me, and I am done trying to hide myself from the world. I am so extremely blessed in more ways than I could ever imagine. NEVER let an insecurity bring you down, you are "fearfully and wonderfully made". I constantly have to remind myself that I am a daughter of the Almighty king, and nothing anyone can ever say to me can ever change that. THANK YOU to every single person who has encouraged me, shared there story or just have been there for me, I am so grateful for every moment I have on this earth, and I hope that someday I am able to encourage people with my story, just as others have done for me.

So, yep this is me.  It's been a rough couple of months trying to find myself in the midst of the storms that the Lord has chosen for me.  As I look back at this, I don't find myself embarrassed, I WANT people to know my story, because I want to encourage those who maybe don't feel like they have a voice.  If we didn't have people to come alongside us and encourage us, then our whole world would be a total mixed up mess.  I did not post this to get attention, I just felt called to share my story of who I really am, and to encourage others.  Yes, as a teenage girl, the drama and gossip and so on continues to go on around me.  I am not perfect by any means, I just try my hardest to not get sucked up into this mindset of girls that I see around me.  I know what its like to be on the other side of gossiping, and bullying, and I will be the first to tell you It is definitely not something the you would ever want to go through.  Having said that, If I would have not gone through the struggles (that even I am still facing today) I don't think I would be the same person that I am today.The Lord knows what he is doing in my life, even though sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no idea what he is doing, I know he has me right in the palm of his hand. Having the friends that I do, has been a blessing that I do not even have words for.  It means so much to me that I know I am loved, and It breaks my heart to think that people who are going through the same things don't necessarily feel that way.  This year, at SCA has been one of the biggest things in my life.  Even though I may not get a chance to thank everyone in person, I just want to say thank you so much to every single person that has made me feel welcome, encouraged me and prayed for me.  It means the world to me.  The Lord knows what he is doing, and his plan for me is more than I could ever imagine.