Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Is change a good thing?

Lot's and lot's of change. It's a good thing.. at least thats what they say. I can say that it is, but will I ever believe it? I've come so far haven't I? It is time to move on. I knew from the beginning that this wouldn't be forever. At the same time this seems like it will never end. I get better, and then my mind intervenes, and I slip up. Slip up's are okay, as long as you don't keep making the same mistake. Someday, maybe not today, things will change. That is going to be okay with me. It may scare the hell out of me to come out of my comfort zone, always having the fall-back net. Ive got to own up to this and know that I can do it. I have come so much father and made so much more progress than I ever thought I would. I know I can do this, I just loose sight of it at times. See, this is how I feel. I am constantly doubting my abilities, simply because I give anxiety the control over my happiness. I have every right to live my life. I have as much right to joy as anybody. Just because Melvin (I gave my anxiety a name: Melvin) claims that this is the easy way out, doesn't mean I believe it is. There is another way. It sounds cliche, but simply believing in yourself is half the battle. If you trust your strengths, and you set your heart on something, you can do anything. So I guess i'm in one of those inspirational modes. Believe me, Im not this positive all the time, heck, this only happens every once in a while. Mental Illness has the ability to suck every ounce of joy and life out of you. I never believed that I could have control over this, I always just let it take me over. I have wanted too many times to give up. Just throw the towel in. Give up myself. Succumb to the illness. You know why I'm still here, fighting? Faith. Faith in God, Faith in my family, faith in my support system, and faith in myself. In the times where I want to give up, all I have to do is lean on my family and my support and I have to know that when I can't be strong for myself, they can be my strength. They only do that because they have faith in me. Thats my secret. People look at my life and are shocked at what Iv'e overcome, but its simple really. Just have faith, and everything will be okay. Maybe it won't seem like it right away, it might be weeks, months, years. See thats the funny thing about it, faith isn't about seeing the results, its about believing that you can be strong. Life can throw you under the bus so many times, but it isn't so bad.. sometimes you will just get thrown under a fiat and not an 18-wheeler.

OK. So my analogies are bad, but whatever :)
Really though, everyday means progress, but just because you feel hopeless, doesn't mean hope doesn't exist. Alright, enough deep, sappy, "inspirational" stuff from Maddie today guys..
I will be 17 in 2 weeks.. YAY! Life is truly beautiful, you just have to train yourself to see the positives in the negative situations.

Have a lovely day!
Xx, mads

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