Monday, January 26, 2015

depressed an anxious: the piggy mama.

Getting Mayzie has been the biggest blessing. For all the daily depression and anxiety I go through, she makes my day 100000x better. Before she was here, it was about me. What time I felt like getting up. When I felt like feeding myself (If ever), when I felt like working. Now I push myself, because I have a bigger responsibility. Now, Im not saying if you have depression you need to go out and drop 3 grand on a mini pig. I'm saying it helped me. Helped me to realize that even if that day I couldn't live for myself, I had to live to take care of something that depended on me. Some days the evil {BEEEEP} named Marvin is in the drivers seat. It was my dads idea to give a name to the anxiety/depression. I guess it works. Now I can just yell at Marvin, instead of beating myself up for everything. I never chose Mental Illness. I suppose in a twisted way, it chose me. I have an understanding of this struggle that I could have never had. Is it weird to say I am thankful for all of it? Thankful for the hospitals and facilities who helped me? Thankful for the people I met along the way? Well, I am. I wasn't at first, but looking back.. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for those things. Marvin would have kicked my butt. It's because I wasn't alone (seriously, and figuratively ha!). You can't fight a battle all on your own. I had my people. The ones that stayed by my side while I trekked through a hurricane. Most importantly, I have my faith. Now, here I am and I'm a teen pig mom (inside joke). I know part of my purpose here, and haha I guess this little piggy helped me realize that in a way. Marvin still comes knocking on my door everyday, but its what I do to show it that I am in control of this is what matters. Well there you go. Three things to learn from this post: Buy a mini pig; name your depression/anxiety; never fight alone. The struggle is so real. Nobody struggles alone. Mental Illnesses of all kinds are so much more common than they should be. Take advantages of the struggles you go through, because in the end it doesn't matter what the tough stuff was. It matters what you learned and who you've become.

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