It has been long overdue for a post. I was listening to the song 10,000 reasons this morning, and totally started to cry as I do every single time I hear this song. It tugs at my heart like nothing else. It was the song that we sang every year at every church camp on the night that brought so many kids to christ. It was the song I sang through tearful eyes as I declared my love for Jesus as I was baptized this summer. Not a lot of people know what has been happening in my life these past few months, and I am not here to share details, but to encourage others, and just be real. I have been going through one of the hardest storms of my life these past few months. I really have hit the bottom, but I listen to the song 10,000 reasons, I am reminded that there is SO much to live for. I refused to hear this truth in the midst of my storm when I was questioning whether or not life was worth living. While I am still recovering from the storm, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel that I didn't see before. I just can't thank anyone enough for their prayers, and cards, and endless love for me and for my family as we battle this challenge. I was in such a dark place these past few months. I sing that song of 10,000 reasons for why I should live. My purpose in this life isn't over yet. I know that now. I thought that there was no reason for me to be alive, I was questioning God and his endless love for broken people, like me. I just want to encourage anyone who is in a storm right now, and is yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is so worth living, and I want to scream that at the top of my lungs, because I know how it feels to be hopeless, and to shut people out, and to even go to far as to hurt yourself. I promise you it isn't worth it. I am forever grateful for the people that have loved me so unconditionally, so that I could be here today. I do believe that things will be better. I have not finished this trial yet, but seeing just a sliver of hope brings me so much hope for everything. I made a poster that I put on my wall in my bedroom that says, "today I will choose joy". This is what I need to tell myself, joy is worth living for. The people in my life who know what is going on, THANK YOU for not giving up on me, especially my parents, you have blessed me more than I could ever say.
Today I will choose joy.